spirit and secret

seems this time of year is all about secret wishes, wants and desires. hiding presents and keeping secrets about what we bought or might buy. santa and dreams and hopes. it's also a lot about expectations. the ones we have for each other and especially for ourselves. like how the house across the street had 10,000 lights on it, and our house must be as beautiful with 10,001. bigger badder faster longer and more stylish.
this is probably why the spirit seems to have gone out of the holiday.

i'm still searching for my holiday spirit. my only dreams are of spending time together with my family, laughing and cooking, looking at lights and watching smiling faces as we watch the grinch once more. the corny holiday decorations at our local breakfast place, the yard up the street with the 10,000 lights (or more), the santa hats that adorn the giant evergreen trees along the road to school. these are christmas to me.